So Gone

You make me feel so gone.

So tomorrow is the first official day I go home since my birthday/Easter. Yeah I know. I've only been in that house to drop off some clothes. And the reason for that is simple: my father.

I cannot be in a room with him for longer than 15 minutes without killing myself. He is the most hypocritical person I know. When I'm around him I either want to kill him or myself.

Face to face, we will be tomorrow. Without me being able to use my cousin or anything else as an excuse. I know he will want to discuss, what I do want to discuss, let alone think about. But I can't run from it anymore. Cat's out the bag. This is most one shot to tell him that I'm an individual and I will no longer blindly follow him. I wont let my spirit, my happiness, my freedom be broken my him.

If he can't open-mindedly aceept that, he will deeply regret it in the future. Because seeing me will be like a seeing a blue moon.

If we can't cordially do this, I'm so gone, and I might not be coming back. The only person that has the power to make me consider it is my brother. I love him as if I carried him for nine months and pushed him out myself, but I swear if I have to choose between being captive to see him and escaping with my sanity, I'll choose my sanity and hope he'll understand in the future.