Etched in Skin

So as he got all suited up in black, prepared to lead his mission as a priest for Halloween, I sat at my desk crying my eyes out. Unable to convey what I was feeling, what I was missing, what I was needing. The spells they come and go. Ups and downs; uncontrollable. Unlike a roller coaster I can't prepare for the drop because I never see it coming, until it hits me dead in the face. Until I find myself drowning in salty raindrops and my throat squeezes out the air I'm trying to inhale.

And watching stars without you
My soul cries
My heaving heart
Is full of pain
When we're apart
The aching...
~Still In Love (Kissing You) Beyonce

I don't know what it is about this song. Every time I listen my eyes water and my heart hurts. It's one of the most beautiful song I've ever heard by Beyonce. It's like she puts some of her own emotion into it. You feel it deep within your soul. It's been on repeat mode for like an hour. Background music for the tears rolling down my face. Music is life, it's there through happiness, sadness and everything inbetween. It captures the feeling you can't describe yourself. My soul is connected to music and without it I don't know where I would be.

So I stumbled across this group on facebook TWLOHA. Which is short for To Write Love On Her Arm. I fell in love. A group that deals with teen depression, self-mutilation, and various disorders. Depression is real. It's not a switch that you can turn on and off, like people who don't understand tend to believe. It's like you have no control. It's an illness and is just as strong and deadly as cancer and AIDS. It poisons the brain until you can't think straight. TWLOHA is there to say that you're not alone and that love can help overcome obstacles, no matter what type of illness your going through from depression to eatting disorders and other addictions. I am in support of TWLOHA. Maybe I can glue my heart back together with love and support. Instead of etching my pain into skin or swallowing my hope, I can reach out to others and get through my issues with other on my side.